'The Covenant'
Galaxy
Rating 2 (out of five)
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The Covenant is a sizzling supernatural thriller, apparently. Why? Because it's swarming with hotties. Just in case we didn't get that, one dreamy dude and a sexy babe each point out that someone is "hot" in its first 20 minutes.
"This is beyond idiotic!" says one of those hotties during an argument with her boyfriend in one scene. Her observation also aptly sums up this movie.
Less a legitimate scarefest than what looks like an Eddie Bauer commercial posing as one, it's an equal-opportunity showcase. The film dotes as much on the sculpted six-packs of its male protagonists in the shower room and at the swim meet as it does on their scantily clad girlfriends who are apparently unable to have a conversation back in the dorm unless they're disrobing.
Did we mention there's a plot somewhere amid this deluge of eye candy? It has something to do with the Sons of Ipswich, four standard-issue bluebloods at an elite New England boarding school whose ancestors back in the day -- 1692 in a Massachusetts colony -- were witches and warlocks. Born with dark powers that would turn Harry Potter green with envy, the descendants have upheld a centuries-old covenant of silence, but it's in danger of being broken when a student dies under mysterious circumstances. Someone, it appears, is abusing these supernatural powers that, as we are repeatedly reminded, are akin to a drug. Start using them recklessly for evil purposes after you "ascend" on your 18th birthday (don't ask) and you risk not only crippling addiction but premature aging (cue the bad prosthetics).
It's up to the buff, fashion-conscious pals -- brooding Caleb (Steven Strait), long-haired Pogue (Taylor Kitsch), platinum-blond prankster Reid (Toby Hemingway) and generic Tyler (Chace Crawford) -- to solve the mystery.
When J.S. Cardone's derivative screenplay -- based on the graphic novel by Aron Coleite and Tone Rodriguez -- isn't accommodating photo opportunities, it finds time for a couple of sub-plots. One focuses on Caleb's relatively chaste romance with Sarah (Laura Ramsey), a lovely transfer student, and the other on the quartet's interaction with Chase (Sebastian Stan), a wealthy, enigmatic newcomer with a dark secret.
Canadian actors Kenneth Welsh and Wendy Crewson also show up, squandering their talents as the school's provost and as Caleb's fretful, alcoholic mother, in the film that was shot in and around Montreal.
When you strip away its excess gloss, hard-driving rock soundtrack and the faux-Gothic mood director Renny Harlin lavishes on the material, there isn't much to this movie aside from some nifty visual effects. The best include the heroine being infested by a swarm of skittering, spider-like insects and a freaky, ethereal collision with an 18-wheeler that recalls Final Destination.
Indeed, instead of creeping us out, this late-summer retread arouses deja vu with characters, settings and a spooky vibe of sorts that prompts memories of The Craft, Skulls, Cruel Intentions and other films it draws upon. The best that can be said about The Covenant -- aside from that it's easy on the eyes and offers a few decent popcorn thrills -- is that it's marginally more engaging than Neil LaBute's mystifyingly bad remake of The Wicker Man. That said, its most memorable line -- "Harry Potter can kiss my ass," yelled as the boys speed off a cliff in a flying car -- is no match for what will surely go down as one of the most hilariously absurd movie moments of the year.
That would be Nicolas Cage's edgy cop confronting a pagan feminist (Molly Parker) peacefully cycling through the island wilderness in The Wicker Man and ordering her to "Step away from the bike!" Now, that's scary.
http://www.canada.com/reginaleaderpost/ ... 1b3244&p=2
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